Our romantic relationships can be one of the biggest sources of joy and fulfilment in our lives. Vice versa, when they’re not working, it can be incredibly painful and frustrating. If you’ve found ‘the one’ and are thinking of taking the next step – whether that’s marriage, moving in together or having a child – couples counselling can help you to strengthen your bond. From learning about each other’s communication styles to making sure your values align, relationship counselling helps to set you up for the future and ensures you’re equipped to deal with the challenges of life together.
What to expect in couples counselling?
Most importantly, counselling for relationships offers a safe and non-judgmental space to discuss important (and potentially avoided) topics, explore your values and beliefs, and build healthy patterns and decision-making processes.
One of the biggest sources of conflict in relationships is a clash in communication styles. Our communication and empathetic styles aren’t universal, they’re often based on childhood or previous experiences. How one person deals with stress and anxiety can differ hugely to the other – learning how to better understand and relate to your other half’s approach can help to prevent arguments, plus foster a feeling of intimacy and a deeper connection.
Similarly, counselling before marriage can help you to pinpoint any issues before they escalate and provide the tools to work through them. It might be that there’s something in your relationship history that’s unresolved and you’re not sure how to now broach the topic. Or that you have differing ideas on how to manage shared finances or parenthood, and are struggling to find a resolution. Whatever it is, addressing these subjects proactively can prevent anything unsaid causing a build up of tension. Depending on a couple’s personalities and beliefs, reaching agreement might not always be possible, which is why having a counsellor’s support can be so beneficial. With expert guidance, you can explore why your partner feels a certain way and come to respect this, even if your opinions still differ.
Couples often look to counselling when they’re in crisis, however this isn’t always the most productive – defences are already up which can make progress hard. Purposeful life changes on the other hand are an exciting time and can be the ideal moment to seek counselling. If you’ve just got engaged, for example, the prospect of the future and the commitment to marriage often means that you’re most open and receptive to your partner – you might be more inclined to make positive changes that can benefit your life together. When you’re deep in a relationship pattern further down the line, it’s harder to make adjustments, that’s just how we are. Having these conversations at earlier stages in your relationship sends a valuable message: that you’re willing to invest time, money and effort into making your partnership the best it can be.
Life will always be busy, whether with work, children, caring for parents or a host of other things, but making time to lay the foundations will always be worth fitting in a jam-packed diary.
