How Unresolved Marital Conflict Can Affect Your Physical Health
It’s natural to look at marriage with rose-tinted glasses. What we dream about, and what we’re often presented with, is all the good stuff: the love, support and celebratory milestones of a shared life. But marriage is hard too. Even in the happiest and most communicative relationships, there will be difficult periods and times when you just don’t see eye to eye. Disagreements over everyday pressures like finances, shared responsibilities and emotional capacity are all commonplace – and usually nothing to worry too much about.
However, research shows that unresolved arguments or sources of conflict can take a serious toll on not only mental health, but physical health too. Studies by The Gottman Institute – run by psychologists and relationship experts Drs. John and Julie Gottman – have shown a clear correlation between continued marital struggles and physical health problems. In particular, couples that showed contempt in their marriage were found to have increased vulnerability to illness and sickness – showing just how deep our mind-body connection runs and how important it is to nurture.
How can conflict affect your body?
Arguing with a loved one is stressful. Anger can impact your body by triggering the fight or flight response, which essentially puts you into a state of heightened alert. When you resolve a disagreement, your nervous system will naturally calm after a period of time. If the conflict isn’t resolved, the stress can linger, which in the long term can be very damaging – leading to high levels of the hormone cortisol. Elevated cortisol levels are linked to weight gain, disrupted sleep and brain fog. Plus increased inflammation, which in turn can trigger cancer, asthma, diabetes and other illnesses, as well as weakening your immune system.
To put this into practice, a landmark study shows just how dramatically anger can affect the body: couples who displayed high levels of hostility during disagreements healed more slowly from physical injury in comparison to those who managed conflict more calmly.
What health issues can occur from unresolved conflict?
The negative effects of arguments can be more serious than you might expect. Research suggests that people in unhappy marriages have a greater chance of developing heart diseasethan those in a supportive couple. This is due to chronic stress, known to raise our blood pressure and cholesterol levels, which can increase the likelihood of having a heart attack or a stroke.
There can be repercussions for our gut health, too. The gut is often referred to as the second brain, due to how sensitive it is to stress – that’s how deeply connected our minds and bodies are. Marital or relationship pressures can have a big impact on our digestion, leading to conditions like persistent indigestion, acid reflux and even irritable bowel syndrome (IBS).
Exhaustion, fatigue, headaches and back pain are also symptoms that are commonly reported. Even with enough sleep, those caught in unresolved conflict may feel worn out, as their bodies remain tense and fatigued.
How to break the cycle and better your health
The good news is that resolving troubling conflicts can greatly improve both your relationship and health. Couples who communicate effectively – through active listening, showing empathy and addressing problems calmly and constructively – tend to experience lower stress levels, better health and even longer life expectancies.
If you’re feeling the negative effects of arguing or are caught in a stress cycle with your partner, working with a trained counsellor can be an excellent way to break patterns and find healthier ways to manage disagreements. Couples therapy can provide you with the tools to strengthen your emotional bond and create lasting change.
Prioritising healthy communication isn’t just about avoiding arguments or keeping the peace. It’s also about looking after your own wellbeing. In short, when you improve how you handle conflict, you’re making a significant step towards a healthier, happier life.
